one man gang

So I spent all day yesterday recovering from the drunken stupor I was in Friday night and early Saturday morning. Basically, I fell asleep from about the 78th minute to the penalty shootout. But then I was wide freakin awake. But drunk. I don't remember much from the game. But I sure was a meathead, though. I've been becoming more and more of a meathead when I'm super drunk and it's scaring me.

But this is only when I am drunk off my ass, mind you. Ok, so here's what happened. After the game, we all poured into the streets and had a big party down 32nd street. My voice is hoarse, of course. I jumped onto a telephone booth to snap some pictures for KoreAm and then someone handed me a big Korean flag to wave and me and some other guy led the crowd in a cheer. Then the fickle crowd got sick of us and the guy that handed me the flag wanted it back. My brothers got tired after a half hour and went to Yilo's to catch some sleep because we had to meet our cousins Tina and Esther for lunch the next day. At freakin 11:30 at that. So I told them I'd meet them there.

Here's where it gets interesting. After my brothers left I somehow transformed from jubilant soccer fan to rowdy hooligan. I celebrated with the crowd for about 20 more minutes then got tired and started walking back. Some white guy rode by on a bike and muttered something derogatory to me. I don't remember exactly what but I do remember that the night before some guy in the back of a taxi yelled, "Korea sucks!" and maybe I was remembering that. In any case, the guy on the bike was talking shit. That's all I needed. I saw a half-eaten slice of cheese pizza on the sidewalk and decided that I would get my revenge on the shit-talking bike rider. He was quickly making his way down the street towards Penn Station and I started a brisk jog. Just my luck, I see that he stopped in front of Penn to talk to some people. So I slowly crept up and lined up my shot. When I was within range I hurled the large slice with all my might.

My aim was true and I hit him squarely between the shoulder blades. It was a great shot from about 15 feet away and I kind of felt like I was assassinating the president or something. I didn't wait to hear any reaction from him and ran away around a corner. I took off my red shirt and thought that my white undershirt was a good disguise and started calmly walking down the street, whistling Dixie.

About 2 minutes later, the bike rider rolls up beside me and goes, "Did you throw that pizza at me?" with a mean expression. I couldn't believe he tried to get revenge for my revenge. So I was like, "Yeah, motherfucker, that was me. Now I'm gonna kick your ass!" And I started towards him but he got scared and started riding away. It was then that I broke into a full sprint and he starts pedaling away with all his might. I consider myself pretty fast (4.85 seconds in the 40 yard dash) but this fucker is on a bike so what can i do. I was about even with him for an entire block, yelling at him to get back here and how I'm gonna beat his fucking ass motherfucker, yada yada yada.

It must of been funny for passerby seeing some Korean kid chasing a guy on a bike with a pizza stain on his back down 31st Street. Anyway, the guy finally gets away and I find myself walking down 8th Avenue, totally adrenalized from my meatheadness. So I decide to engage in some one-man hooliganism. I warm up by kicking bags of garbage into the street and then I get the bright idea to kick a newspaper machine. Damn, those things are strong. After about a block, I see a bus stop, one of those glass enclosed ones that look kind of like this. I take a running start and do a flying side kick into it and it completely shatters and I'm showered in bits of glass. I cut up my hand and arm in about 10 places and i start bleeding a lot. The blood is thick and gooey. I wipe it on my shirt to accentuate my insanity. People are staring at me. I take off my shoes and shake tons of broken glass outta them and continue on my way. At this point I've taken on the role of insane person and if anyone looks at me funny I snarl at them. This black guy was staring at me and I was like, "What?! You got a problem?" and he mumbles something about not having a problem and this older woman starts running away in fear. I pass by a Korean deli and yell "Go Korea!" at the top of my lungs and the hooliganism is complete. Somehow I make it to my brother's house and wash off the blood and pass out.

The end.