For all of you mixologists, here's a fun program for you to enjoy.(right-click to save). It teaches you how to mix any kind of drink, all in a very appealing design. I give it the ondal seal of approval.

thanks to dk song for hosting the file.

Something horrible has happened. I've become terribly addicted to some stupid Sim City game. The worst part of it is that it's formal title is "The Sims: Livin' Large." I truly wish they didn't abbreviate the word "living."

I want to say I don't know what happened but I do. I had a nice healthy hobby of downloading shit off Kazaa. Ever since I was 14 I have been an avid collector of illegal pirated software. The majority of the time I don't even bother using it. Anyway, that's what happened here. I got a grip of games and then I tested them to see if they worked. On a whim, I clicked on the stupid little icon and it was all downhill from there. As a result, my interpersonal relationships are taking a beating, my nutrition and hygiene are down, and I'm now growing a moustache. (One side note: the nutrition and hygiene of my Sims families are at an all-time high).

It seems like my favorite thing to do is to make families of people that I know. For example, I created my own familiy, complete with my bald-headed dad and designed the home to look like our house in California. I then made a caricature of the Yees, the family of one of my childhood friends. They were known for being tight with a dollar, your typical miserly Chinese family. It's quite interesting, sort of like a virtual voodoo doll.

And it didn't stop with families I know. I started making celebrity families such as the Seinfelds. The whole gang is there, Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer. And I made sure to keep Kramer unemployed in order to maintain the realism, whatever that means. The Simpsons are next. It's pretty pathetic that I'm actually looking forward to creating the Simpsons but this is what my life has become. So enough writing, it's time to get back to being a loser.

if you guys would comment more i would write more.

I just beat down Peter Kang of Fox Searchlight. I will now turn my attention to dk song to a digital photography duel. He just got a new Canon camera because he likes to copy me. But not as much as eugene. Anyway, since I'm more familiar with the features on my camera, I think i shall win.





panorama

I am going to challenge this guy to a duel.

Here are two paintings, both latex on unknown medium. I did one, someone did the other one. The first is Nude Dream. The second is Growing Strawberry Man. Which one is better?

ypkang: Do you want to hear a funny story?
YUKI: of course!
ypkang: So I went out with my friend Monica and Alison two days ago. It was Alison's birthday, she had just gotten back from two years in Japan.
YUKI: oh cool!
ypkang: We went to the Nuyorican Poets Cafe and watched this poet; it was sad. We were five people and there were only three other people in there.
YUKI: aww.
ypkang: But the show must go on�
YUKI: was the poetry good?
ypkang: It was aite.
ypkang: Anyway, after that we went to Avenue A Sushi. I don't know if we ever went there. It has an �art gallery� in there.
YUKI: probably not.
ypkang: Yeah, I think we only went to nice places. Ha. Anyway, we drank a bunch of sake and ate. Good times. And then the waitress comes over to me and sets down a Johnnie Black on the rocks. A double. She says, �This is from the woman over there.� I'm like, �What the fuck?� and I look over and this attractive woman looks at me and gives me this demure smile.
YUKI: asian?
ypkang: No. White.
YUKI: very nice
ypkang: So I nod my thanks and she gives me this look and then I'm like �damn, what do I do?� this has never happened to me before. And the people at my table -- we were 8 people by now, mostly Asian -- they all asked me at once like, "Did that woman just send you a drink?" They were all nerdy about it. And I was like, damn, chill out foos. I needed time to think what I was gonna do. I decided to just sip the drink a little and wait 5 minutes�
YUKI: yah?
ypkang: �then go over there and thank the woman. Even though I wasn't that interested (and plus I have a gf). Haha. Anyway, while I�m contemplating, the woman walks over. I'm turned the other way and I can see by my friend�s faces that she just walked over. So I turn around and the woman looks at me and says "Hi, Pete." And I go, �what the fuck?� and then she says, "It's me, Toni."
YUKI: it was toni?
ypkang: and then I was like, "Oh my god!" It was her. And we hugged and shit.
YUKI: oh cool. you didn�t even recognize her?
ypkang: And then my friends and the nerds like...clapped. I felt lame. She was wearing a wig. Apparently, she and her sister had gone wig shopping earlier and were testing them out and they saw me and decided to fuck with me. They had been planning the ruse for about an hour.
YUKI: hahhaha
YUKI: hahaha
ypkang: So there I was, thinking I was the shit, when all along it was none other than my old roommate.
YUKI: is she like hot now?
ypkang: Yeah, she's hot. But the wig looked dumb. It was an Uma Thurman pulp fiction wig.
YUKI: i see. how funny.
ypkang: Even though i wasn't really getting hit on by strange women, I was still the coolest kid in the room since I knew Toni. Alison's friend immediately fell in love with her and was asking me all this shit like should he go up to her and shit. But he didn't have the courage: and eventually gave up. My lukewarm responses to him didn't help either.
YUKI: hahah. so is toni doing well?
ypkang: Yeah, she's doing an Abercrombie campaign and doing a little acting. She said she's been in seven commercials but she always exaggerates...most models do.
YUKI: is she in the AF catalogue?
ypkang: I dunno� want to see a picture? I brought along my camera
YUKI: of course!
ypkang: OK, hold on. I have to download it off my camera.
ypkang: here you go
ypkang: I hated that wig.
YUKI: yah. but that pic looks pretty sexy
YUKI: u look like a stud
ypkang: oh. thanks.
ypkang: heh
YUKI: u r a stud
YUKI: =)
YUKI: not just 'look like one'
ypkang: I know.
ypkang: haha, I'm turning into you.
YUKI: hehe
ypkang: Hmm, since I told you that story, I'm just gonna cut and paste to my blog. You mind?
YUKI: nope
ypkang: What should i call you?
YUKI: i dunno�
YUKI: yuki.

damn, i hate this shit. it's like work. anyway, i need to get the dallas convention recap off my back.

THURS

Woke up with a huge hangover. I realized I had lost my attache case that I stupidly brought with me during the pub crawl. All my resume shit was in there. Damn. I was supposed to go register then hit up the job fair but since I didn't have any resumes or writing clips I decided I would rather watch "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" on hotel HBO. It was ok. At 5 p.m. I finally mustered up enough energy to go to the Fairmont. I called up SB and he came down and I told him about my lost bag. He was super cool and helped me out immensely, asking his many contacts within AAJA about shit. Then he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with him and Lloyd LaCuesta, South Bay bureau chief for KTVU in San Francisco. I accepted. dinner was good, that is if you like Asian fusion Texas style.

Later, we hit up the screening of the Justin Lin vehicle "Better Luck Tomorrow." It was damn good and I hope Asian Americans get behind this one, instead of the usual hating they do of everything with Asian Americans in it. After the screening there was a Q&A session with the director, and most of the cast members. The first question asked was by this woman, a newscaster from San Diego. She questioned the director for sending the wrong image to young teenagers with the film's bleak ending. She was basically scolding the director. Lin, who has heard this shit hundreds of times, tried to be polite but she was being very ornery. You could cut the tension in the room with a boxcutter. The lady just kept going on and on and on and when she was finally like, "Okay, I just have one more thing to say because I know you people hate me..." and right after that everyone was like "Yeah!" or "Yes, we do!" then i threw in a "You suck!" but it was only at a conversational level and I don't think many people heard me. Some other things were discussed and that was that.

Afterwards, I asked SB what he thought and he was like, "I really liked Han." I agreed that Sung Kang was a fine actor and possessed a commanding presence onscreen. So we made our way to the front of the theater and SB told Kang how much he liked his work, etc, and how great he was and i interjected with a "dude, you should ask him out." and Kang simply gave me a funny look as if to say, "Did i just hear that?"

As we left the theater, Kang was all SB could talk about. While we were smoking a cigarette outside, he was babbling like a schoolgirl. In fact, I told him that. He agreed. Then he was like, "Should I get his autograph?" I could tell he was enamored with Kang so I stopped ridiculing him. He was genuinely nervous about it so I calmly led the way back into the theater so he could get an autograph. The cast was still talking to admirers and taking pictures with conventioneers.

Eventuallly, SB started up a conversation with Sung and later took a picture with him. Then we left. And that was that. Or was it?

here's a funny video of eugene at his best.
click here. (i think you have to download it to your HD).

i'm back in the big sagwa. the jungle. hi.

a heartfelt thanks goes out to dk song, susan kim dot com, and the korean jew for making the socal leg of the trip a big success.



the jew gave me reasonable lodgings. i took a picture in sepia to commemorate the event.

updates to come. if i feel like it.

the nutshell

So I have yet to do the big update, but now the moment has passed. So I will summarize. Also, i can't upload photos cuz I don't have a usb cable so I kinda wanted to accompany the stories with the photos but fuggit.


WED
Arrived in Dallas. It was dumb hot. There was an Asian girl who looked peeved waiting for the shuttle. I saw that she had some AAJA convention material. I didn't say hello. I was almost done with my book, A Prayer for Owen Meany. She was headed to the Fairmont so i knew she was a conventioneer. She kept eyeing me. Remember her. I went to my alternative hotel, the luxurious Hampton Inn. There was a Wal Mart convention in town and I had the good fortune of sharing an elevator with some of the good people from Wal Mart. They sucked. Anyway, I relaxed for a bit and waited for the temperature to drop before venturing 6 blocks to the Fairmont. When I got there, I asked some nice looking Asian boy where the registration was. I was given a chilly response. Remember him. Later, I discovered that the registration booth closed. Oh well. Later, I saw my friend SB who i met at the 2000 convention in new york. He's a producer for Fox News somewhere in the Midwest. He had his trademark ponytail still so I knew it was him. He told me his name and i acted like I remembered and that was that. He told me to not pay the $300 for registration and just use his extra name tag if asked. Bet.

We headed off to the opening reception, it was kinda wack. some filipino girl stared at me long and hard outside as I was talking to a man from Gannett (Columbia ' 76). A thought briefly flashed through my head: there's enough ondal to go around. then I felt silly. then some silly fool asked me if I was Y. Peter Kang from Berkeley and told me he used to cut out my columns which was flattering. then he wouldn't go away. then I wondered if I should tell him that he's gay. He's probably the only one that doesn't know, i thought.

Then I went away to the pub crawl. There, SB introduced me to two girls he met. One was the peevish one from the shuttle. She turned out to be nice, or maybe I was drunk. The other one was a well-endowed newscaster from Denver. SB and I immediately began speculating. A wager was made. Convention hijinks at its best.

The pub crawl was a smashing failure. We decided to head over to the DC chapter's party at a place called Umlaut. Since I had taken linguistics courses at the university, I informed the others what an umlaut w�s. I basked in the applause that immediately followed. We arrived at the party and it was bumpin. or perhaps jumpin. I proceeded to get mad crazy wasted. But not too bad. On the ondal inebriation scale I was about a 7.5 ( agreeing to go to a strip club = 5; bus stop smashing = 10 ). I bought some talent agent from DC a shot of tequila then I asked him if he was Jewish. He was clearly Jewish. Then I bought the Jew a red bull. Then I bought myself one. Then I went on a shameless flirting rampage, collecting business cards from different women whose faces I now forget. and that was that.

SB and I asked the two girls if they would like to accompany us back to the hotel where we would smoke Chronic while they watched. They readily agreed and we made our way back. We kicked it for awhile -- sometimes giggling like schoolgirls, sometimes playfully teasing each other. In typical ondal fashion, I ended up going too far when I took Denver girl's shoes and ran out of the room. The next day, the story was that I was gallavanting up and down the hall in high heels and a purse. Whatever. I was drunk, and that night was just a small taste of what was to come.

to be continued...

i was gonna update this in a big way but instead, i'm disgusted with myself. maybe later.

the next big thing. i love this stuff.
drinksparks.com

ac slater

I finally got my AC adapter for my camera so it's up and running. I'm off to Dallas on Wednesday for the Asian American Journalists Assoc convention. A good time will be had by all. Except it's gonna be damn hot. You can't get much hotter than the nastiness that is New York City but the forecast in Dallas is mid 90s with humidity in the 40s. Weak. But I'm hoping I'll spend much of the time indoors schoomzing with my colleagues. After that, it's back to Cali for a wedding.

Here's some pictures of me and my mama in our backyard in california last month. In the first picture, my mom is in stealth mode blending in with our kidney-shaped pool. you can see the fountain in the background. i slaved over a hot stove for 3 hours cleaning the gunk out of it. i got a nice farmer tan. it smelled like wet dog. you can also see the hard water deposits on the walls of the pool. you see, we have a well and use it to water all the plants in our backyard. it's rather unsightly but i suppose it's a trade off for all the money we save on water.



in the second picture, you can see some dried bamboo stalks that i stripped off of a...bamboo stalk. i was making a fishing pole. then I turned it into a punishing stick. then i sawed off the end pieces and was going to make a pipe out of it but then i realized i don't smoke chronic with the ferocity that i used to. so now it's a drumstick that i'm going to give to that drummer from Def Leppard. I hope he likes it.

stick-to-it-iveness is not a fucking word you dumb bitch

i got drunk last night. but what's new. but this morning, i woke up and watched discovery channel. it was a special on medicine. kids in the phillipines with cleft lips who get surgery from an australian medical mission called operation smile. but the focus was on this 2 year old kid who had a cyst on the front of his face, it was some brain thing. about the size of a softball. some parts of his brain had seeped through and it just hung there. i surprised myself because i cried. i'm better now.

it's hot. it's hot when your sweat droplets fall into your bowl of cracklin oat bran. it's hot when your leftover milk curdles inside an hour. it's hot when you sweat in the shower. it's hot when it's hot.

damn, what the fuck happened. i don't remember things so well. hooked up with dk song and got drunk. damn, our shenanigans were limited to being rude to people making us sandwiches and buying late night tall boys. i guess i'm getting soft.

Went to a bar in SoHo last night. Some girl I know brought along her co-workers for a quasi-setup with Brian. One was a half-Korean half-white former Louis Vuitton model. She was damn tall, like 6 feet. One was a filipino looking girl with a heart of gold. She was damn tall, like 5'11. She is a buyer for Barney's. And finally, the third was the half-japanese half scandinavian girl that choiboi had his eye on.

Unfortunately, Brian didn't pass the test. He was deemed too skinny and too young looking. Shit. So now i gotta find some other people to set them up with. Anyone interested?

i got a nose hair trimmer.

chris and karen bought me a graduation gift. a digital voice recorder. very thoughtful.

i'm going to dallas soon.

i'm back.